99.9% of coaches focus on our conscious mind.

That can be useful for immediate results. But for deep breakthroughs that shift how we see the world and our myriad possibilities, we need to go deeper. Here’s why:

• Most of us think that all we need is a good solid goal along with some focus, determination, direction and support to behave accordingly.

• But then our unconscious mind kicks in – with all of its invisible filters, negative emotions, limiting decisions – all the things that helped us overcome big challenges and obstacles throughout our lives, but frankly, have outlived their usefulness.

So what do we do?

Using Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) and Time Line Therapy®,  we go in there and clean out those filters and release what no longer serves us at the unconscious level.

Why? Because it’s our unconscious mind that produces our actual behavior – what we actually do.

Think of it this way:

1. Our conscious mind is the goal-setter.
2. Our unconscious mind is the goal-getter.

We will only get and keep our goals over the long haul when these two are in total alignment.

Back to those 5 massive shifts I’ve experienced through Integrated Coaching…

#1. I’m able to “zoom out” of arguments and disagreements in real time to identify and address the source of disconnects.

It doesn’t always mean we end up agreeing in the end. It does mean that we both reach a higher level of clarity and understanding, and more often (much more often), come away respecting one another’s opinion or decision even if we wouldn’t choose it for ourselves.

Learning: Every single one of us has a unique frame of reference that guides what we see and experience, how we see and experience it and how we interpret and experience it. This frame of reference is rooted in our earliest years as humans, and is based on a combination of things ranging from our parents / caregivers and their values, cultural and family norms. These aren’t right or wrong, per se …only unique. Conflict generally occurs as a result of not acknowledging these differences, but rather making those differences the issue.

#2. I have formed a completely different relationship with my body.

I recognize it as the temporary dwelling that it is, and treat it with far more compassion, acceptance and respect than in the past. I still notice what I used to think of as the “flaws”, yet I honor what they allowed me to endure (broken bones, infection, childbirth, etc.). I am definitely more driven to care for it in various ways, from the food I prepare and eat to the ways I incorporate movement into my days.

Learning: There is no one among us that is perfect. That’s what ideal is: existing as a mental image or in fancy or imagination only. A more realistic take is to see our physical bodies as the beautiful vehicle that carry us throughout life’s journey. It’s going to get bumped and bruised along the way. And if we pay attention and take care of it the best we can, the ride will be a whole lot smoother.

#3. I actively and intentionally seek guidance from my intuition.

I’ve always know that was a thing, and envied people who seemed to be able to access theirs with ease. For the longest time, I would include a little prayer in my morning ritual asking for my intuition to provide me with guidance throughout the day (for my best and highest good). Then one day, I understood that it has been doing exactly that throughout my entire life. I just wasn’t picking up — kind of like the old wall phones that would ring, ring, ring until someone picked up or the caller gave up! So now, I’m the one initiating the calls — throughout the day or as needed — to proactively ask for support.

Learning: Intuition isn’t something that comes and goes. It’s ALWAYS there. It’s up to us to learn to access and translate its symbols into meaningful guidance.

#4. Now that I’ve realigned my most unconscious motivations, new habits are really easy to establish — and maintain!

I’m no longer willing myself to fill up on veggies, resist the temptation to pull the covers back up on a cold weekend morning, or fit in a 30-minute round of weight training. I actually want to do these things. I enjoy doing these things.

Learning: When our conscious and unconscious motivations are truly aligned, there isn’t that grinding tension of “have to”. It really is like clearing the years of dust and dirt out of the air filter — the channel is cleaner, the desire palpable.

I was in a client’s reception area, chatting with a few people as they were coming and going. The conversation had something to do with my energy level (which is typically pretty high). Then, one of the individuals said: “Tracy, I’d hate to see you upset.”

#5. I can do hard things …and they don’t feel hard anymore!

I would never have believed in a million years that I could hold my breath for 3 minutes and 45 seconds. I wouldn’t have even wanted to try. (Really, for what reason???) As part of my Breathwork certification training, I have been participating in many, many breathwork journeys — and yes, I have reached a 3-minute, 45-second breath hold. It seemed really hard in my thoughts, but then as I physically relaxed into it, following the expert guidance of my teacher, I experienced this strong sense of knowing that I would make it and all would be okay. That’s when what had been hard became not hard at all.

Learning: New and unfamiliar experiences can initially seem daunting — that’s our mental chatter (thoughts) holding up the caution sign. (That’s also our brain’s survival code in action.) When we acknowledge the thoughts are just a mental idea and feel into our deep, inner motivation — that’s when the “hard” part falls away, and it’s simply something new.

Check out this post for a deep dive into how Integrated Coaching produced one of these massive shifts for me.

Schedule a Complimentary Discovery Call to explore what a breakthrough like this can do for you.

First, grab a journal (it truly is more effective to do this the old-fashioned way – with paper and pen). And, this is a concept best experienced live before it’s explained… trust me!

Start by identifying a person or situation that irks, annoys or irritates you. Now write your responses to the following three questions, one at a time:

1. What are the negative qualities and characteristics of this person or situation? What else? When you can’t think of anything more, proceed to the next question.
2. What negative thoughts and emotions come up for you when you think about those qualities and characteristics? What else? Again, when you can’t think of anything to add, proceed to the next question.
3. Where have you seen these same qualities and characteristics in yourself?

Keep writing until you discover where these same qualities and characteristics show up in your own life. Spoiler alert: It may take you by surprise.

Why is this important?

What we see outside of ourselves is, at some level, a direct reflection of the complex system of thoughts, emotions and decisions inside our own mind. Carl Jung said: “We can only perceive what is already in our consciousness.” Jung introduced the notion of “projection” to explain how people can feel certain they know what another person is like and what they think, then interact with the other person on the basis of those assumptions.

Imagine your eyes are the lens of an old-fashioned movie projector. And the person in front of you is essentially a movie screen. When we find ourselves annoyed, irritated, or even hurt by someone else’s words or behaviors — what we’re really reacting to is the movie of our mind playing on the screen (person) in front of us.

Here’s a recent example from my own experience

I was in a client’s reception area, chatting with a few people as they were coming and going. The conversation had something to do with my energy level (which is typically pretty high). Then, one of the individuals said: “Tracy, I’d hate to see you upset.”

Whoa.

My eyes widened, and I think I even stepped back an inch or two. “I don’t get upset often, and when I do, I do my best to manage my intensity,” I responded.

She looked confused. I got confused. Then I got curious: “Are you imagining that when I get upset that I get aggressive or hostile?”

She was flabbergasted — it was all over her face. That was not at all what she was thinking. She said: “You’re just so nice and lovely and I wouldn’t want anyone to upset you.”

Wow. What a miss on my part. Why? Because when I hear the words “energy” and “upset” together — my mind immediately goes back in time to my childhood and my father’s unfortunate habit of expressing his anger in a most threatening way.

That is perception is projection in action

Our negative projections (like the one I just shared) are our path to our breakthroughs: They are a big part of what holds us back. When we observe the qualities and characteristics that we deem negative inside of us, we can identify their source, and release their invisible (unconscious) clutch on our values, behaviors and worldview. It’s a lot like removing the dust from an air filter.

When you do this exercise on the regular, you’ll notice it all the time, in real time. And when you make a habit of releasing the judgments from deep inside your unconscious mind quickly, you’ll feel lighter, clearer and way more open.

This works in reverse as well: Our positive projections are our path to our genius!

Try this exercise: Identify a person or situation that evokes a positive judgment for you. Now journal your responses to these questions:

1. What are the positive qualities and characteristics of that person / situation?
2. What are the positive thoughts and emotions that come up for you as you consider those qualities and characteristics?
3. Where do these qualities and characteristics exist within yourself?

Can you see now how this is the path to your genius?

The theory is that we cannot recognize outside of us a characteristic that is not within us.

By the way: I fought this idea for a long time!

• First, I didn’t want to admit that I fully owned the qualities I judged as negative in others. How did that make sense? If I don’t like them in someone else, how in the world can I be expressing those same things in my own life? Turns out that was my Inner Ego fighting to retain its identity of special, different, “above” that kind of thing. (The first time I did this exercise in earnest, what I learned about myself and how I was projecting it onto others was simply shocking!)

• Second, isn’t this a slippery slope that leads to the idea that everything we experience is a mirror reflection of our deepest, most unconscious thoughts? Turns out the answer is a bit more nuanced. Typically what we judge negatively about others reflects a filter that found its way into our operating system, beneath our conscious thoughts. That filter likely served us once, but not anymore. And that’s why it’s asking for our attention. Imagine an airport ground crew member waving you one way (that would be your filter, guiding you to judge something or someone in a negative light), and another ground crew member waving you in a different direction (that would be your intuition inviting you to take a closer look).

When it comes to negative judgments, consider the Perception is Projection exercise as a way of identifying outdated code for the purpose of neutralizing its damaging effects, and creating space for the filters you really want to shape your life.

And when the judgment is positive: The exercise allows us to acknowledge and build upon our inner genius.

To learn more about what’s going on “under the hood” of our mind, check out this post which explains how we get trapped in patterns we never asked for. (The good news: There is a way out!)

Schedule a Complimentary Discover Call with me to learn more. These are hour-long deep dive conversations about the future you want to create (in life, at work or both), what’s working and what’s getting in your way. At the end, if I feel you’re a good fit for this work, I’ll make you an offer.

Either way, I am 100% confident that you’ll come away with new and meaningful insights you can lean into immediately.